Who am I now, after my personal transformation?
After my personal transformation
A free spirit!
A lover of life, beauty, and pleasure!
I’m an optimist who loves adventures and freedom in movement and thinking (a true Sagittarius). I love sunshine and being in my body. I love learning and experiencing new things. I love the pinky-silver tones of Sunrise that ever day bring a new beginning..
After my personal transformation, as best as I can, I try to embrace the ups and downs of being human. Every day I learn to love myself fully. I’m deeply committed to living my Truth and being authentic in all interactions.
But I’ve not always been this way… So grab a coffee and let me tell you the full story of my own change and transformation!
How did I get here?
For most of my life, I lived like a double agent. I had one personality at work, and another in my private life. For most of my career, it worked well to keep my professional and personal interests separate.
I was very scientific when dealing with clients, teaching, or supervising healthcare professionals. I had clarity and conviction about what was right and wrong, and I got great results, helping thousands of people in the last 20 years.
I was successful and greatly enjoyed my work… but something wasn’t right. It felt uncomfortable because I wasn’t fully myself, and it was weighing me down. I was not living authentically, but I didn’t know how to change it. I felt like a fraud because I was afraid to show my True Self, and it restricted my growth and development.
I wasn’t incorporating my mystical interests or nutritional and Functional Medicine practices into my work, even though I could see the benefits of these in my friends’ lives.
I wasn’t sharing when I was struggling or feeling low. I was afraid that not being happy all the time would be seen as a weakness, or a sign that I wasn’t a good therapist. I was totally bypassing the sense of oneness and common humanity (which I was deeply convinced about).
Listening to my Higher Self, did not come easy either. Especially that it asked me to love myself unconditionally with all of my Shadow parts. Instead, I was highly self-critical. I rarely used my intuition and was anxious to follow my Heart. I relied solely on my Logical Mind and Ego to make decisions and solve problems.
Healing my Body wasn’t enough..
Following my Logical Mind and Ego served me well when I dealt with undiagnosed physical health problems that conventional doctors dismissed as being “in my head”. I started exploring natural healing methods – like Nutrition and Ayurveda – and eventually completed formal training in Functional Medicine.
I’m very inquisitive and persistent when trying to get to the core of a problem. I managed to heal my Hashimoto’s and other hormonal imbalances that were causing symptoms I’d been experiencing for 10 years. But it wasn’t enough.
There was a deeper meaning to my physical health problems that I only understood years later when I allowed myself to explore the energetic and spiritual side of my physical symptoms.
There was an inner voice, calling me to embrace energetic and heart-centred practices in what I do. It was occasionally coming through the thick layers of being logical, scientific, and evidence-based. I started meditating and teaching mindfulness 16 years ago, but I wasn’t actively cultivating connection with the Spirit.
It made sense intellectually, but I didn’t know what it would mean viscerally and emotionally, so for many years I wasn’t embracing this voice fully, only promoting and incorporating practices that had an evidence base.
When magic happened..
It wasn’t until the powerful Neptune transits started in my life that my personal transformation got supercharged. This inner voice got stronger, forcing me to stop and listen. I actively opened myself to esoteric practices and started working with a mentor in Akashic Records. It made me reflect on how I wanted to live my own life, not just how I wanted to work with others.
This accelerated the process of my inner transformation! I realised I wasn’t fully living my Truth and following my Soul’s purpose, but I still had doubts and fears about embracing this new integrated me – the True Me.
Then one day it became crystal clear.
On a recommendation from the Akashic Records, I attended a special retreat in Holland for clinicians interested in offering psychedelic-assisted therapy to their clients. This is when my perspective shifted and I knew I couldn’t go back to how I was.
I knew I no longer wanted to work in the “old way”, and I needed to integrate and cultivate both sides of me (the scientific and the spiritual, the professional and personal). I realised I needed to speak my Truth and live more authentically.
The psychedelic journey was an incredible experience, a real transformation, but very difficult to put into words. What I saw and felt was breathtakingly beautiful and untimately truly life-changing. I felt surrounded by Love and I felt I was Love. I realised that Love was the texture of the Universe.
The oneness, transcendence and bliss I personally experienced made sense on an intellectual level. My prior studies of meditation and contemplative traditions helped me understand what was happening, but when the ceremony finished I still had no clue how to embody it in my daily life, choices, and professional practices.
It took me almost 2 years of intense integration and growth, several more journeys with plant medicines, and many sessions with my spiritual mentors to translate the insights into a new way of life.
(*Disclaimer : I want to be clear that not everyone has such positive experiences with psychedelics as I did. Without the correct attitide, mental preparation and right conditions the journey itself can often be challenging for people. Not to mention the intense psychological work that is necessary to later integrate the insights and lessons with one’s daily life. That is one of the reasons I never recommend taking psychedelics to clients. However, since those practices are becoming more common nowadays, I do offer Psychedelic Integration. I work with people who have had such experinces and find it hard to make sense of them or struggle to use the insights to improve their mental health. This part of my work is offered purely from harm reduction perspective).
As my transformation continued in personal life, I was slowly facing and healing my own family dynamics, Inner Child wounding, core beliefs, and dysfunctional patterns. I was changing habits and attitudes in doing and relating, but I still resisted sharing my journey and new understandings with clients. And still I had no idea how to incorporate these new spiritually informed practices into my professional life.
The final push..
The final part of my personal transformation involved a short period of extreme tiredness, fear, helplessness, despair, anger and frustration. It was my own Dark Night of The Soul. For 6-8 weeks I really struggled physically and emotionally. I belive my life crisis happened because I was resisting the final changes that wanted to be born through me! These were times that I would have diagnosed myself with depression if I’d come to see myself as a Clinical Psychologist.
For years, I’d been telling my clients that depression can be a real gift. A message from the Unconscious or Higher Self, which speaks through the Body and stops us in our tracks. It disables us, depriving us of energy and the will to keep going, so we can pause and reflect. Making space for getting intimate with the parts of our psyche that need healing through loving attention. But it was easier said than done!
It was so hard to implement my own advice!
…To be loving and to accept myself just as I was there and then. In a deep hole, feeling disheartened, with no energy, switching between being emotional, angry, “normal”. Telling myself I was total failure as a person, and a professional.
I felt so ashamed – like a fraud – for not being able to quickly get myself out of this state. Especially, since I was a therapist and a meditation teacher. This only made things worse, but with the help of friends, mentors, and alternative healthcare professionals, I emerged changed and stronger than ever. Astrologically, it was also a very intense period. Having a personal chart reading helped me put things in perspective.
It wasn’t fun, but I believe it was a necessary part of my own transformation and I am super grateful for this. It connected me with the experiences of the people I’ve helped in the last 20 years and it made me more humble and courageous.
Every experience is here to teach us. I deeply believe that depression, illness, and accidents arrive when we don’t live the life we’re meant to, when we neglect ourselves, when we’re not honest with ourselves, or when we don’t live Our Truth.
These challenges come to “course correct” our life path, which is a blessing if only we’re willing to listen and make the necessary changes. I avoided that message from within until I had no choice but to face it!
Here I am..
Although, I know I’ll continue to grow and evolve until the end of my existence, now I finally feel whole, fulfilled, and free, to be (and to show) myself just as I am. Hence why I specialise in Authenticity.
I’m here to help you:
- Be yourself, whether others approve or not
- Do what you like and say what you mean with no guilt or fear of judgement
- Pursue what you love rather than what is expected of you
- Love your body as it is, or to change it to how you want it to be
- Let go of the pressure to be “nice” and discover your True Self, so you can feel whole and fulfilled too
I’ve formally studied psychology and therapy for the last 24 years. I’ve worked as a psychotherapist, clinical psychologist and mindfulness teacher with thousands of patients, individually and in groups.
I worked in the NHS for many years. However, I felt restricted by the medically oriented service and my roles in it. Therefore 6 years ago I decided to leave. So that I could incorporate physical Body, Spirit and Soul into how I serve people, wanting to improve their life not just mental health.
My new life as a coach
Even though I still work as such, I no longer like to call myself a therapist or clinical psychologist. Because, I feel that implies there is something wrong with you that needs fixing.
I now call myself a Life Coach, because I believe that you can aim for so much more than stable mental health. You can aim to thrive, to live your full potential, and learn to see your problems simply as life lessons offered to facilitate your growth.
Because of my own journey, I feel better equipped to help you in your healing and growth.
Your life is precious – so let’s get started with your personal transformation now!
I look forward to hearing from you!